Do not hold it against me for evil.

Smoke again, I had to stop. I promised myself. But with me, bastard!
I got drunk, I broke something. The home team will kill me.
Bills still not paid. What do I do with them? Fall from grace is already bad.
My heart goes out to the poor flame of the lighter.
I light the next .. and another .. The terrible famine.
Sleep isnt enough for me anymore. I have nightmares.
I cant stand already.
I've got a fucking gun from a fucking junkie off the street.
He gave it to me along with one cartridge for the property ..
I dont want to be like him. Rejected by society.
No one loves me. Nobody knows about me.
A terrible loneliness.
Loading her.
My beloved.
Only she understands me and fully supports my tears.
I love her.
An example of it myself in my head.
I remember all those times until now.
I grab the trigger.
And my beloved .. Shot ... Scream .. Noise ..
Is it? Heaven?
I rub my eyes, close them.
I take a breath.
I open them.
I'm in bed.
I'm crying again.